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That would have to be Neil Cawley, who has been my friend since late 1970. Or, as we call him, "Puff Ball" for his huge afro. We stay in touch pretty well. Although it's been a couple years since I barged into Neil's home the last time we stay in touch over email about weekly. My brutha man! Here's to you, P.B.! |
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At the moment it's my latest wistful, humorous obsession, "Carol Brown", by Flight of the Conchords |
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Yes, a doctor by the same name. I was happy when people mistook me for him, until he was fired from his public-sector job for an unfortunate racist joke he made at a meeting. |
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there you are again canary yellow top down, volume up spinning shiny wheels so beautiful you sidle into my lane your coltrane going flash your lights yo, ko what’s it been, six months too long just like last time I’m bumbling in the fast lane blinker stuck on you sizzle past a mile ahead couple decades behind and laughing so I laugh too you’re quicker in the turns you pass me by then slow, let me edge closer which at times I do maybe not as much as I’d like but close as my judgment lets me or as close as the law allows you toy with me foolish as I am I let you because I like this because you’re gentle never a scratch you show me your soul and I show you mine we can go for hours help me find what I didn't know I had share your music then hand me something bittersweet why am I too late or too early an intoxicated man but hands on the wheel eyes on the road you're a distraction as I try to be to you let me carry you over your rough spots you lead me through mine I drive like a fool just to get a glimpse of you never in contact swerving close how I enjoy this time sharing your space
but your trip is done and mine is not my mistake not seeing that turn the drinks didn't help shower of golden stars metal once so strong and cold shatters on impact scatters hard shards the crack of bone yielding tough leather tears I tumble over the pavement as you disappear cross the horizon sea-shimmer red dwindling lights through far too much rain to see I drag myself to my bleeding knees where I will stay for a while until I can stitch myself together breathe again dry this face of mine wake up without regret
350Z's cross my path all day they no longer mean a thing I still have your sound chet baker, tenderly miles kind of blue take five take me back to you if I could do it over I’d still want what I could get I’ll never catch you but that’s not the point never was I wouldn't try I loved my friend from a distance loved my canary yellow dream |
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these things happen nobody lives forever we did everything we could but we couldn’t save her it got out of control we did the best we could do there’s a failure rate surgery wasn’t an option her number came up nobody said it’s a fair world nobody said it had to make sense that's just the way it is nothing lasts forever as cliché as it sounds the good die young even one whose story isn’t yet written one whose time wasn’t done this sweet and innocent being whose time had hardly begun who had nothing but potential a better soul than me me, who just keeps on living in spite of all his sins all of his shortcomings all the blood on his hands all the broken commandments yet she is inexplicably gone i thought I’d wrung out all my tears i thought I’d finished all my mourning for an extinguished star whose brilliance was snuffed whose time in the sky was cut so short there wasn’t time to wish and whose passing proved the well wasn’t dry ample water still to flow from a dried up old stone so we dropped all our plans to put this tragedy behind us and dived right back in went in over our heads sank beneath the swamp made our morbid wishes which wouldn't come to pass and mary hopped the next bus with jesus by her side i bought them the tickets for their one-way ride just go ahead and beat it you weren't any help now get out of here nobody said it’s a fair world nobody said it had to make sense that's just the way it is nothing lasts forever the good die young yes, they certainly do |
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unless they’d been there too |
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( Cut for filthy language... ) |
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All I have is your shadow some fuzzy shots a little thumbnail photo Burning up my hours I probably should be sleeping but that's not what I want Instead I'm pushing it laughing at your wit digging in your words feeling what you felt going where you point trying to keep up amazed at what I'm seeing a foolish man up to his ears in a pleasure that slowly grows that doesn't stop until the battery goes forget the how and why forget the where we are turn on the lights get yourself a drink and enjoy the now whoever made you |
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you came to me in my dream you were put back together, healthy and sweet you said hi and I woke up and so you died again and so I lived, to my great regret all good things have crashed to an end nothing matters any more all my happiness is stolen from you sun you won't see or feel air you won't breathe time you won't get and I'm the one who cheated the devil the one who always walked away from whatever disaster befell me I laughed that I always would now I wish we could have traded places look at the lines on my face my scarred and weathered hands have done all they need to do whatever gave me the right to be here when youth so lovely and true could be so casually maimed injected and irradiated poisoned by cytotoxic drips inevitably eaten by one's own cells shrunken to the hard bones and the rest of the world keeps living as if it's natural for some to expire so young while those well past their primes remain to enjoy and eat and laugh and live I've waded into the blackness of the void you left behind and although my appetite died with you I'll stuff myself with tragedy until I can no longer move drown myself in lachrimosity and maybe rip myself to pieces in a drunken highway rage in the hope of another glimpse of you or at least to even the score |
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don’t you dare be proud of your work this time your inevitability won’t help you now you don't have such a right and stop staring at me all the time I'm sick of looking at you tired enough of being on your list without knowing you did this you took time that didn't belong to you what you did was goddamn wrong any fool could see your mistake though you make plenty this one's a disaster if I could get my hands on you I'd break your fucking neck in two don't tell me it's your job because you've plenty of better work to do than indulge in such trampling don’t you even care to make sense? because this time you didn’t not by a mile not by a thousand miles you make me wish there were a Jesus a god of happy endings but if there is, I'm furious at him this never should have happened and my buddhist philosophy just went down the drain just when I think it couldn't get worse you have to think of this don't you smile at me like that this isn't going to benefit you it just makes me more determined to cheat you even more than I already have you took the wrong one you stole something good from those in need you blackened a brilliant star one that glittered among the billions you should have taken me instead you bastard |
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tell me it's just a mistake i got it all wrong and you didn't die because the chemo drugs were just right and they didn't kill you and you weren't cremated so now you're much better you're in remission and the prognosis is good and all the water from my eyes can stop those abundant tears from old eyes eyes that once squinted tough could stay dry through thick and thin but lately are the floodgates of unbearable pain all that flowing water produced in such quantity water to grieve for you to mourn for unfathomable loss it's well-intended but unnecessary because you only lost your cell phone and your internet is down and you just quit your job so you couldn't be reached you've been out of touch way too long but now you're back and how's it going and that guy you like the one who seems afraid to touch you you're going out with him this weekend and you hope he gets a clue and I'll give you my shitty old advice a five decades old perspective which in its irrelevance you have no use for but which you accept graciously and i'll tell you some secrets some dire revelations and you'll tell me some of yours and we'll laugh how awful we are and I will just go back to my life and get some work done and get some sleep instead of foundering in this terrible limbo where i can't stand the sight of myself because i know you're gone and i'm still here where i want to blow myself to bits make myself disappear throw myself into the flames turn off the light go into the blackness tell me i'm wrong i don't need to think about that forget the ways i could destroy myself stay away from the interstate no need to throw my motorcycle under giant wheels turn myself into an incoherent smear because you're still here and it's all just a big mistake and can i call you back later when we both have time to talk a little quality time because we need to catch up? when I call your number I can still hear your voice but you won't return my calls |
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 cod: (noun) any of the gadoid food fishes of the genus Gadus, esp. G. morhua (or G. callarias), which occurs in the North Atlantic and has a long body with three rounded dorsal fins: family Gadidae. or, (UK or USA) a slang term for a fraud or swindle or, (obs.) a slang term for scrotum |
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There are strong feelings on both sides of guns, making this issue so controversial only weirdo fringe politicians truly intend to do anything about it. The rest of them take a position that lines them up with the most voters in their party and never do a thing. It's a third rail, like abortion. Politicians are happy to talk about their convictions all day long if that gets them votes but nothing much ever changes. Even when their party controls all three branches of government. The Brady Law and the Assault Weapons Ban were largely symbolic gestures that didn't change much, just like the Partial Birth Abortion Ban. You can still buy a gun on eBay or at a gun show, no questions asked, and you can still get an abortion almost anywhere. And you always will be. I don't see gun control as a "real issue" as a result. But it sure does get people worked up. Obama basically said he ain't doing a thing either way. He couldn't give a rat's ass about restricting gun ownership further. He will let the existing system of background checks etc. remain in place. This lines him up with most voters, I believe. Gun companies always want to make it easier and easier to buy guns, but even avid gun owners don't want to see guns sold like ice cream out of vans, or in vending machines. Most gun owners want sensible restrictions so criminals and gangbangers have to work a little harder to get one, but free enough so if legitimate buyers see one, they like they can buy it. You just watch, gun laws (other than local ones which are largely symbolic) will hardly change over the rest of your life. Just like abortion, which will always be legal with some restrictions, forever and ever. I see gun control as a stalking horse issue designed to lure single-issue voters, nothing more than that. Just a thought. |
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When a whole team of people spends eight solid years devoted to furiously digging an enormously deep hole, why is it the poor guy who's expected to fill it in gets criticized for not having fixed it in, what, six weeks? |
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I woke up today with a bit of a hangover, having allowed myself to drink some wine last night. Then I got that idea in my craw to listen to my whole playlist from hell. Which I did after establishing the ground rule that the volume had to be up, and no skipping. Finished. I feel like I just took a beating. And worst thing is I can't get "Ice Ice Baby" out of my head. |
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